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Here at The Mansion: we like to keep things delightful. And a delightful Mansion is not-so-delightful without a Fiddler. The Fiddler is nothing more than a man. A 29 year old man who is very, very skinny, pale-white like milk and constantly wears a plain blue Adidas tracksuit. His face is malnurished, his eyes are dead to the world and his beard isn't quite flourished. It is rigid with early abuse of alcohol and drugs and has scars and wounds permanently plastered along his forehead. Though he is 29 and steely-tough, he is usually mistaken as Eden Morris: the 68 year old technician, one of the friendliest members here. Do NOT be fooled.

As naughty children aren't rewarded at Christmas - it's much like that here, only we would usually dispose of naughty children in the The Pit of Pity and The's. The Pit of The Pity Pit. But, this time we have introduced The Fiddler: a man who will Fiddle a naughty child to death.

Fiddling: The Fiddler, legally-employed, doesn't on any grounds perform illegal actions. Though he will fiddle, and fiddle some more until the kids have learnt their lesson. Fiddling consists of quick hand movements such as, the cracking of finger bones, throttling of a child, throwing and kicking, vomitting and spitting and worse of all, forced Rooftop fighting.

One victim of The Fiddler had heard over 10,000 finger-cracks close quarters to the victims ear - and could no longer take the pain. The victim dived head-forth over the edge of the Roof and landed peacefully atop of Barrys Wussy Wagon. Another victim fought for 47 rounds with The Fiddler and was so black and blue that their body burst into a starburst-like explosion.


The Fiddler must be happy and employed - if you know of any Bullies alike, send them over! As naughty-not-nice children get what they deserve. Otherwise, be extra nice this Christmas or The Fiddler will get you.

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