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Gronch

The Gronch. Merry Christmas!


About 'The Gronch'Edit

During the frosty month of December at The Mansion of Delights, a special guest makes an appearance. The Gronch has one job: Ruin Christmas for everybody.


Previous Decembers have been dreadful for the people here consisting of wild bushfires, smashed windows, spontaneous kitchen accidents involving exploding ovens and hundreds of fake steps placed strategically up every stairwell, causing many of the stair-users to fall down below into the Basement or stuck wedged between splintered wood and spider webs.


This is to name just a few of the tricks The Gronch likes to play and this happens between the 1st and the 10th of December. As the days progress and Christmas gets closer, the tricks get disturbingly worse.


From the 10th to the 20th The Gronch will show himself much more, appearing in Rooms and taking a shit on the plush carpets, sometimes, he will shit in the bed of sleeping guests so that they wake up having rolled around in his poo all night. The Gronch also urinates EVERYWHERE to mark his territory, causing all Corridors and Passages to completely stink of a pub toilet. The piss is pungent and contains small clumps of white mucus. The mucus stains any surface it's on and smells exactly like dick-cheese. Old, smelly, nose tingling dick-cheese.


Once the stench is sorted and his territory is marked, The Gronch will feel more comfortable and will proceed to prepare for the final 5 days til Christmas.


December 21st: People mysteriously lose their presents and are replaced with packaged boxes of rotten fruit and vegetables


December 22nd: The Kitchen Staff serve and use products that are years out of date. People of The Mansion fall sick with crushing stomach pains


December 23rd: The areas of The Gronch's shit and piss now begins to rot and damage the floors. The white mucus becomes extremely hazardous over time, much like the acid from the Alien movies - the white mucus melts through the floor and continues to drop lower and lower wrecking every floor down to the ground


December 24th: The Guests are told to stay in their rooms, as The Gronch takes things to a drastic level in which he will attack anybody he finds. With brute force and striking strength, he pummels you with headbutts and fists, mainly in the facial region. And, if you happen to be of Female gender you must certainly expect to be fondled with.


December 25th*: In the photo displayed below, The Gronch is seen sitting where the Christmas Tree of Delights normally is. The tree is absolutely huge standing at 40ft and decorated marvelously by Richelle. This Tree is cared for and tended to for a full year specifically for Christmas - The Gronch hangs it off the ceiling using the Christmas lights, sets fire to it and swings it from side to side. Because of the large scale of the Tree, the swinging doesn't stop for a good 2 hours in which it will shed firy leaves and twigs down onto floor of The Mansion. The Gronch will sit intently as flames spit all around him. The mayhem and panic of Christmas is nearly over, thus he sits peacefully and enjoys this final day alone.


The Gronch may have something new up his sleeve for this year, we'll have to keep our wits about us as we plan to protect our Guests here at The Mansion of Delights.


Safety comes first, but sadly, it never actually comes first.

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