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The Kids.


About 'The Kids'Edit

Hand-in-hand the kids own The Mansion. Partnering with the likes of King Gruejor, Cindy, Joe, Scran and Hammering Harry, these kids aren't afraid of any of them - and fear is the worst feeling to have on the Mansion grounds.


The Kids have parents but who knows what happened to them? Hammering Harry knows and we asked him after a short period of these kids causing odd bouts of chaos like scribbling on the expensive walls and cutting holes in the plush curtains, burning rugs, stealing Mike's favorite brew mug and playing around with their Mansion friends Hammering Harry and King Gruejor, taking the hammer and King's crown and pissing on them amongst other silly gags such as teaming up on Walton and bullying the way his eyes look, racially abusing Barry and Eugene and pouring tomato soup in their mop buckets during working hours.


Hammering Harry said, "These kids are pure evil. They obviously killed what guardians they had. The friendship of these kids is as strong as rock and, who's going to be the one to tell them off? Pft, not me." Harry looked at his hammer after saying this, shrugged and moped upstairs back to his Corridor.


In the photograph taken by Eugene himself, The Kids are seen posing by Eugene's car having set it on fire. They had asked Scran to watch from the Upper Levels, the moment he saw flames he is to scurry to Eugene and demand he checks on his car outside and take a camera for evidence. Eugene was confused until he saw what was going on.


After the snap was taken, The Kids skipped merrily onwards into and past Eugene. He was furious! Before passing, The Kids remained hand-in-hand and closelined Eugene together as a team, he fell into Cowdung and generic sloppy mud. He didn't look back, just up at the floating clouds as he listened to the childish laughter of those damn Kids fading into The Mansion.


The Kids thanked Scran for his help feeding him a prize of breadcrumbs and sandwich crusts with tiny smudges of jam on them. Scran loved it.


Later that same day, it was King Gruejor's time to play. The Kid's skipped merrily to Gruejor Cave which is designed much like a dank, dark and drippy cavern. Warm and really creepy, full of cobwebs and giant spiders of all species and has rickety Gruejor-sized ladders to advance up the 5 levels to King Gruejor's room.


The Kids didn't use the ladders, they had amazing teamwork abilities and simply carried and lifted one another when needed. Not afraid of the spiders or the hatching eggs that released thousands of tiny spiders, The Kids laughed and joked up Gruejor Cave. Sleeping Gruejors and baby Gruejors watched over them and some willing to attack but didn't quite succeed, some formed from the shadows grunting and huffing - to screaming in a muted-way to alarm the King of a disruptance.


The Kid's arrived at the King Gruejor room. They knock on and wait for a response which takes roughly 20 seconds. Bangs and smashes sound from inside before the rickety wooden door is opened. King Gruejor stands, out of breath, panting like crazy and with a giant thorn penis slowly becoming diserected. The Kids look behind him and see 6 or so women piled up like dirty washing having been raped and murdered.


"What?" says King Gruejor. The Kids reply at the same time in a disturbingly synchronized way. "We have been ordered to clean your crown, master." The King Gruejor flops his head down and the giant 1,000,000 karrat-gold crown crashes down to the floor. Quickly, The Kids start to spit on it, piss and force puke on it. Laughing and hand-in-hand they skip off happy with their work. King Gruejor screams! But, nothing can be done. He returns to his pile of women, pissed off and now more 'rapey' than before.


Hammering Harry and Barry came last and the team split up for this one. One team were Mickey Mouse masks and they took care of Hammering Harry. They slipped into his Corridor and stole the hammer right from Harry's sleeping hands. He awoke to see the children running off, laughing as usual and yelping in excitement. Angrily, he raised from his bricks-bed and went after them.


The other team took 3 of them for the Barry Plan. They walked together, not holding hands as the full team wasn't together. They found Barry on The Corridor of Neverending Falling Swan Feathers mopping the tiled floor with bleached tomato soup water - he obviously hadn't noticed yet.


The 3 kids circled around him in their masks just standing there. Barry was curious until he figured they were being silly. He tried to continue mopping but the kids wouldn't budge.
"Uhh..what's your problem? Lemme juss do this flo'. Be on your way now..." The kids shook their heads left to right. One of the duck masked kids pointed at the floor behind Barry. He looked and saw that the whole Corridor was soupy and red. "You daym kids! Why man!" Suddenly, duck-face kicks Barry right in the balls. He tumbles down cupping his privates, rolling and groaning. Then, his mop swings and whacks him in the face.


2 hours later, Barry wakes up. He finds himself fully naked tied to a chair. Surrounding him were The Kids, now a full team again. They were circled around him holding hands with their creepy masks looking right at him.


One of the Mickey Mouse masked children then breaks the circle and unzips his coat, Barry watches.


"Uhh, wha..wha's goin' on? Whatchu got there kid?" The Kid has Hammering Harry's hammer sat poking out of his trousers. They all speak at the same time again, this time shouting really loud. "You know what this is. We are making you into a Hammering Barry. Get it?" The Kids then laugh and laugh, some crying with laughter as Hammering Barry commences. He takes smashes to the nose, forehead, shoulders and elbows, knees, thighs and penis. Repetitive smashes that with each taking turns would definitely cause him some vital injuries.


The circle-bash ends as The Kids find themselves growing bored. They skip away with Barry's blood splattered on their masks.


Barry is in BnintesiveKare suffering in a deep coma. He has had 208 stitches and has bandages and plasters all over his body.


The Kids remain outside near Eugene's burnt out vehicle, plotting and planning their next victim. They have been heard discussing about Bludgeon Mary, Cindy, Madz and Richelle saying, "We'll get the girls in one room and see if King Gruejor wants some more 'dirty laundry'."

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