About 'The Pit'Edit
Here at The Mansion of Delights there are several pits surrounding The Pit of One-Handed Grabbing, like The Pit of Regurgitating Homo Sapiens and The Pit of Brad Pitt: The Brad Pitt - where we keep Brad Pitt. Only The Pit of One-Handed Grabbing lurks Stacy Marie Williams, a lost girl, a trapped girl and a girl who just won't let go. She won't. She can't.
Founded last week by Barry as he was shoveling the stones off-of the floor and down into The Brad Pitt because Barry seems to have an uncontrollable hate for the guy. He thinks his acting is 'too much' and therefore uses this pit to store pebbly-stones, fallen leaves etc. As Barry wandered by The Pit of One-Handed Grabbing he could hear a feminine sob from inside. His ears didn't appear to hear what they heard at first as he was angrily swiping stones down onto Brad - until he double checked through curiosity and saw this hand* clutching onto a piece of the Earth. He rubbed his weary and tired eyes and walked towards the Pit.
Inside was Stacy Marie Williams. She was a worker we fired 3 years ago for not participating in Alcoholics Licks.
-We have an AA Group here at The Mansion (alcoholics anonymous) and instead of having a boring meeting sat around chairs in a circle explaining who we are and how much we drink - we invented Alcoholics Licks in which the worst form of Alcoholics run around blindfolded, licking and lashing at other alcoholics. Stacy Marie Williams offered to blindfold the said Alcoholics but having getting licked by roughened vodka tongues and drunken palettes she quit her job in a storm, causing the Alcoholics to remove their blindfolds sadly, crying, and picking up the bottle because of this.
Meanwhile, Barry remembered who she was and reported it to Head Office immediately through his BNKluetooth Headset. The office replied with confusion as Stacy was an honest worker for some time and a 3 year lapse of grabbing in this specific Pit was unheard of.
Back down at The Pit of One-Handed Grabbing, the conversation lead it's story with a lack of punctuation, as it involves too many speech marks and commas:
Barry: Stacy is that you?
Stacy: Barry, just go away...
Barry: No, seriously? Grab my mop handle, I'm gonna lift you up!
Stacy: Barry just fuck off. I'm serious. I'm grabbing and I am NOT moving.
Barry: But, why would you want to do this?
Stacy: This Pit says it all. It's for One-Handed Grabbing and this is what I do now.
Barry: Well...yeah. (Barry scratches his head in confusion)
Barry: Look, erm. Brad Pitt's in The Brad Pitt, do you not like him? Maybe you two could get on.. I just don't think it's safe for you here
Stacy: Brad Pitt? He's a tosser. He's always trying to shout me for help. What a loser. And, to be honest? I hate his acting anyway.
Barry: *laughs* I agree with you there. I usually brush down stones and rubble onto him. It's quite amusing. But seriously, Stacy, come up!
Brad Pitt: HEY! I CAN HEAR YOU MAN!
Barry: Brad! Keep it down in there you - I have more stones up here!
Brad Pitt: ......
Stacy: Look, Barry. You're making me lose my grip. Just, fuck off, please?
Barry: Fine. Fair enough. Don't say I didn't try to help you.
Stacy: Oh, Barry?
It wasn't 'nothing' though. As Barry walked back into The Mansion - he heard Stacy scream loudly as she fell deeper and deeper into the Pit she had hung on for 3 years. Head Office had only just responded from Barry's call and had pushed their way past Barry - dropping his mop on the floor. He crouched down, huffing and puffing secretly asking his mop if 'it was okay'.
Clements Paul Cronus's Son, Clements Paul Cronus II reported to The Pit of One-Handed Grabbing and flashed his torch down. He could see only rigid walls and a dark descent. He began to lower himself down to see perhaps a little further - following the rules of The Pit and Grabbing with One Hand. He couldn't see anything at all. Barry returned and lowered his mop-handle down, demanding Cronus II to grab it and 'stop being a jerk, she's gone'. He grabbed the mop and was heaved out onto safe land.
Suddenly, The Brad Pitt began to stir up a ruckus. The team lead their party towards Brad's pit. Inside, was an anorexic and bony Brad Pitt who had smartly burrowed his way through the ground and into the bottom of the Pit where Stacy was grabbing from. He was now feasting on her body, it was a massacre already as Brad must've been starving. He kept turning around and looking up at us with a blood-shedded face, snarling with lashes of flesh whipping from his teeth and then returning to her corpse to feast some more.
We all stood back holding our mouths from vomiting. However, Barry - in honor of himself and Stacy DID vomit - and all over Brad Pitt. He then laughed and said, I'm not cleaning this one up in which we all laughed, as for once, Barry was actually not cleaning this one up.
May Stacy Marie Williams rest in peace.
The AA Group have designed a painting of her - out of bottle caps and kebab wrapping.